I Couldn't Forget
by AlphaCentauri009
Summary: Hayner and his friend made it big in the Industrial music industry. When Seifer shows up in Twilight Town for the first time in 3 years from studying abroad, old emotional scars are relived in Hayner. WIll he accept Seifer's apology? Seiner Songfic YAOI


**yo! Ari here. i'm a college girl now! yay!!! i'm also out of my house (finally). well, anywho. this songfic came to me in a dream. i don't know what it is with me and dreams but i'm tellin' ya, with these songs i've put in here, this (i think) was a high quality dream that involved me, the bass guitar of my dreams and a concert. i just randomly thought of typing this up after i woke up. it took me a few hours but tell me what you think. personally, i think it's a little quick in the draw. i originally thought of putting just "Clone Your Lover" by Zeromancer but then i just put some other random songs in and then i got this story. i'm trying to find another computer since my other one was broken by my mother. on purpose. in the meantime, i still have to use fuckin Notepad. so please excuse any errors you see. but ya, here's I Couldn't Forget! enjoy and please review.**

**Ari: (placing her glasses on top of her head) Now excuse me while I have a brief smoke.**

**Hayner: That stuff is gonna kill ya.**

**Ari sticks her tongue out at him as she pulls out her pack of cigarettes and lighter.**

**Ari: So?**

**Seifer: Take it from me, there's no use trying to reason with her.**

**Ari: (takes a puff of her cigarette) Damn straight.**

**Hayner: Oi! No smoking in the writers' den!**

**Ari rolls her eyes as she exhales smokes.**

**Ari: (taking a drag) Seifer, you mind giving the disclaimer?**

**Seifer: Why should I?**

**Ari: 'Cuz I'll post your embarrassing pictures from the bloopers of one of my story ideas onto the 'net. Including "that one."**

**Seifer: (twitching from rage) Okay, lamers, I'm only gonna do this once. She doesn't own Kingdom Hearts or any of the songs listed in this story. If she did, Gaia help us all 'cuz life would cease to exist as we know it.**

**Ari: (smiling coldly) That's it.**

**Seifer: NO!**

* * *

He checked his mic and his goggles, grinning to himself. Hayner was pumped tonight. He could already feel that it would be a great concert. After getting signed with Sunset Records, the made it the top of the best new artist charts in no time. So their manager, Demyx, decided to create a tour in light of their second album, Insomnia. The last concert would conveniently take place at their hometown, Twilight Town. _Yup, it's gonna be a great night_, he mused.

He turned to his fellow band mates that werewith him in the dressing room. Roxas returned his fierce grin with an identical one to Hayner's as he checked with the stage manager. Axel, Roxas's boyfriend, kissed Roxas on the cheek as he joined him. Pence had his drumsticks at the ready but looked like a deer in headlights in the corner of the room. Olette was next to him and warmly reassuring him while she fixed her cat-ear headband.

Everyone had dressed in their normal cybergoth gear except for Pence and Olette. Pence liked the Elegant Gothic Aristocrat look better and Olette, well she was a Goth-Loli. Pence dressed in a ruffled shirt and well-tailored waistcoat. He decided to wear knickers so that he could wear his lucky striped socks. They were the perfect Japanese-fashioned couple.

Axel and Roxas agreed to garb themselves in their matching hooded trenchcoats. The only difference was that Axel's jeans were black with silver reflective strips and zippers to go along with his prized military boots. Roxas chose to go with silver PVC pants and his knee high platform boots.

Yeah, this was their night. This was the night of SP1D3RDUST and what a night it would be. The band was originally called Broken Dreams and what they played was a lot different from... back then. Hayner was musing on the band's origins, feeling an intense feeling of euphoria and giddiness.

He had secretly been in love with his childhood friend turned bitter rival back then, too. The moment hat Broken Dreams had Hayner sing those love songs, he always thought of that trash-talking, well-muscled and stubborn blond rival of his, Seifer Almasy. They had gotten into a fist fight after one of Hayner's shows after Seifer said that Hayner couldn't sing.

He was walking out the back way so that he could go home on his scooter. Since it was a William Control concert, the star had already started singing. He turned around to see Seifer, smirking at him. "You're terrible, you know that?" he said.

_*The sin is crying we're dressed like fame.  
The shame of knowing the guilty_

"What do you know about singing, loser?" Hayner said, irritated.

_The killer instinct to play this game,  
I know we're nothing but filthy._

"Plenty," Seifer said, smugly. "Did you really think that you'd get away with being a half-beat behind on the first song? Then, you went nearly falsetto on that chorus. If you knew you were so terrible at that song, why didn't you change up the set list?"

_(Death club melts so strange)_

"That's it," Hayner said, lowly. He punched Seifer on the jaw and the brawl began.

_(Death club melts so strange)_

It was a kind of sick, twisted joy that Hayner felt as he connected blows to Seifer's body. Seifer blocked and managed to land more blows than Hayner had.

_We're in the death club,  
All free to sin away_

Then, he dashed behind Hayner and did a risky sweep kick. Hayner toppled over and fell. Seifer put a knee on the small of the smaller blond's back and grabbed his wrists.

_Take your own life membership is pain_

"Give up?" Seifer smirked. "Never," Hayner whispered. Seifer picked him up by the scruff of the neck and slammed him into the brick wall of the alley. What he did next, Hayner never had words for.

_We're in the death club,  
All free to sin away_

Seifer grabbed Hayner's chin with his free hand, his face centimeters near his. Then, their lips connected.

_Take your own life _

_Silent, damned and strange_

Hayner was shocked at the sudden contact. It was a battle that he was not prepared for.

_Mine is fallow with velvet tears  
The silent picture is perfect_

Tentatively, Hayner's hands slip around the taller blond's waist to prevent himself from falling.

_The architects are the flaws and fears  
I know we're nothing but servants_

_(Death club melts so strange)_

When they broke contact, Seifer was panting as their bodies made contact. Hayner was still shell-shocked but didn't struggle as they started kissing again, this time more intensely.

_(Death club melts so strange)_

_We're in the death club,_

Seifer slowly started trailing kisses down his neck.

_All free to sin away._

Hayner moaned, desperately needing this contact.

_Take your own life membership is pain. _

_We're in the death club,  
_

_All free to sin away.  
Take your own life Silent, damned, and strange._

Seifer felt hands sliding into his chest and smirked as he claimed the younger one's body.

_Take away the fear and I'll follow.  
Take me half alive.  
I'm not running scared tomorrow.  
Oh, I'll survive._

_(Death club melts so strange)_

_I wish this would be a reality for me every day_, Hayner thought.

_(Death club melts so strange)_

_We're in the death club,  
All free to sin away._

_Take your own life membership is pain._

"This is goodbye, chickenwuss," Seifer whispered. "I'm leaving this godforsaken town." Hayner's eyes widened in shock.

_We're in the death club,  
All free to sin away,_

Seifer's hand touched his cheek briefly as tears formed in his eyes.

_Take your own life _

_Silent, damned and strange._

He had walked away. From what he had heard the next day, Seifer had gone to study abroad and the leader of the Disciplinary Committee hadn't been seen again since. Hayner had shut himself in his room for the first month of summer, barely eating or sleeping and only stepping foot outside his room to find something to eat or take a shower. During his one month lock-down, he had started listening to music he had never listened to before. When he first emerged from his room, he got a few odd jobs and took voice lessons for a year when he had earned enough munny.

Roxas, Pence and Olette had gone to his house and they had a very small music-listening shindig at Hayner's house the first chance they had. They had really liked the bands that Hayner had started listening listened to The Cruxshadows, Azrael Trigger, Skippy Puppy, Wumpscut, VNV Nation, London After Midnight and Angels On Acid. The group's favorites were Orgy and Zeromancer, hands down. They changed their image soon afterward, shopping for new clothes as soon as they had enough munny for a new wardrobe.

Roxas had met Axel around that time and then Broken Dreams became SP1D3ERDUST."Hayner?" Pence said. "You okay?" Olette asked. "Huh? Uh, yeah," he stammered. "... don't think that we should tell Hayner," Roxas said, agitated. Meanwhile, a person was about to enter the room but had thought it better to listen in at the partially open door.

"But Blondie's bound to find out one way or another," Axel said, running fingers through his hair. "I'm telling you Demyx is on crack for doing this." "Doing what?" Hayner said, eyes flashing. "Shit!" Roxas said, smacking his boyfriend's arm. "Axel, I should kill you..." "What? It's not my fault!" he whined.

"What's going on?" Hayner demanded. "Uh, well... y'see, uh, De--," Roxas stammered. "He changed the second guest star of the show a week ago without telling us," Axel finished. "We don't know who it is and he's not telling us." They had an array of guest stars during their tour. From Alex Moklebust, Zeromancer's lead singer, to DJ AndyChrist from New York due to Demyx's unlimited connections. The news caught him completely off-guard since they were expecting Amir Derakh from Orgy to play with them as their second guest star.

"That idiot... OH, I'M GONNA KILL HIM!!!" Hayner fumed. Roxas and Hayner were holding him back while Axel was trying to calm him down. "Things never change," the person said, walking away. He was hoping that there was still time to check the stage a final time.

* * *

"Thank you!" Hayner said into the mic. "Make some noise if you know what the next song is!" The crowd roared, some raising their glo-sticks high into the air. "Get ready for this because this next song is for all the couples out there. It's our cover of 'Clone Your Lover.'"

The crowd roared as smoke rose and two trapdoors on the stage gave way to two dancing girls in cages. A third one opened behind Hayner as Olette began the synth intro. Roxas, Pence and Olette were shocked at who was there as Hayner was about to start to sing, causing Olette to nearly mess up the intro completely.

_+Clone Clone _

_Clone your lover _

_Clone your lover_

Hayner looked behind in surprise when he heard a different back-up voice, his jaw dropping. It was Seifer, clad in his trench coat, zippered shirt, beanie, combat boots and a pair of leather pants. In a daze he continued as Seifer neared him. The crowd roared.

_Hello Hello _

_Who wants the same_

Seifer stepped closer as he sang.

_Hello Hello _

_Calling your name_

He was shoulder-to-shoulder with the young singer as he sang.

_Hello Hello _

_Stole your soul _

_Hello Hello _

_Making you whole_

_When you're here (aaaaah)_

They turned to face each other as Seifer sang. Hayner gave him a hateful glare as he made his silent message.

_I don't care (aaaaah)  
What you say (aaaaah)_

Seifer's eyes betrayed some hurt from the rejection before they became the same expressionless gaze, surprising Hayner.

_What you say to me _

_(As long as you say it)_

They linked hands as they got to the chorus and raised their linked hands.

_Clone Clone _

_Clone your lover _

_Clone your lover _

_Clone_

Hayner was trying to break the contact but found that Seifer kept his grip. Their backs connected; Hayner trying his best to improvise since he felt the grip impossible to wiggle out of.

_Hello Hello _

_You want to know _

_Hello Hello _

_Who's taking control_

_When you're here (aaaaah)_

They faced each other again, Hayner remembering that heated scene from three years ago and using that passion to broadcast his message to Seifer. The pair utilized what body language they could to speak their wordless conversation.

_I don't care (aaaaah)  
What you say (aaaaah)_

Seifer got the message as he let go of Hayner's hand. He got ready to give him his message as Hayner leaned into his shoulder.

_What you say to me _

_(As long as you say it to me)_

They separated and began to jump.

_Clone Clone _

_Clone your lover _

_(Wish there was something I could do)  
Clone your lover_

Hayner looked at him in surprise, the words sung as if Seifer was just talking to him.

_Clone Clone _

_Clone your lover _

_(Wish there was something else than you)  
Clone your lover_

_Is he insane?_, Hayner thought. _After hurting me, he has the audacity to say this?_ He was trying to not let his anger show

_Clone Clone _

_Clone your lover _

_(Wish there was the same but new)  
Clone your lover_

Hayner's chest grew sore with once-forgotten pain as Seifer approached him, his fans and his friends all forgotten.

_Clone Clone _

_Clone your lover _

_(Wish that I could be with you)  
Clone your lover _

_Clone_

Seifer leaned in and kissed him as intensely as the first time they kissed, their bodies feeling jolts from the sparks that they were sending off. The fans screamed as they kept kissing. Roxas and the others were slack-jawed. Seifer broke contact, whispering to him: "We gotta talk." Hayner nodded as he introduced the next song. "Ladies and gents," Hayner said, "this is gonna be the last song of the night so give it up! Twilight Town, you guys were great!" The crowd cheered and were chanting the band name.

_^Well I can't handle this but I can't handle anything else _

_It's my own mistake that's based on me and not on my groin _

_It's the little things in my pants that we're all living for _

_I never really knew what that thing down there was used for_

They split up and ran to the catwalks that were on separate sides of the stage. Seifer started jumping as he sang.

_(Yo yo yo yo yo yo - I killed the rock rock rock rock rock _

_yo then she killed my--) _

_brain brain brain brain brain brain brain brain _

_nothing hurts anymore - nevermind... then she killed my_

Hayner jumped in the air and began to crowd surf, hundreds of hands pushing him in an arch to lead him back to the stage.

_Your wicked gay but then today I think I'll be hardcore _

_If I forget to take my medicine then I'll be sick _

_I'm so hot to trot I'm stealing all my beats from the blacks _

_And from all the young girls is where I steal my act_

Hayner made it back to the stage and Seifer pulled him up as they lept onto two large amps and started to bounce.

_(Yo yo yo yo yo yo - I killed the rock rock rock rock yo _

_Then, then she killed my--) _

_Brain brain brain brain brain brain brain brain _

_Nothing hurts anymore - nevermind... then she killed my brain_

_Ah, Hoo, Ah, Hoo _

_Ah-Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa,  
Ah, Hoo, Ah, Hoo _

_Ah-Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa,_

_(I can't stand this)_

Seifer did a backflip off the amp.

_I can't stand it_

Hayner followed suit with a frontflip.

_(I can't stand this)  
I can't stand it_

_If I'm so wonderful then why am I so misunderstood?  
Everybody has a reason for it except me _

_It's the little things in my pants we're all waiting for _

_I never really knew what that thing down there was used for_

They ran back to the middle of the stage and began to dance to the beat.

_(Yo yo yo yo yo yo - I killed the rock rock rock rock rock _

_Yo then she killed my--) _

_Brain brain brain brain brain brain brain brain _

_Nothing hurts anymore - nevermind... then she killed my-_

_Do do-do do-do do, do do-do do-do do _

_Ah-Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa _

_Do do-do do-do do, do do-do do-do do _

_Ah-Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa_

"Thank you, Twilight Town!" Hayner yelled. "It's been awesome!" The fans cheered in response shouting out things like "I love you, Hayner!" and "SP1D3RDUST rocks!." They bowed before getting off stage, Hayner being the first to dash offstage.

Roxas and Axel followed him out, Roxas clearly knowing what was going through his best friend's mind and Axel following just because. Hayner sprinted back to the dressing room.

He kicked down the chairs and threw his water bottle across the room, obviously furious. "Hayner!" Roxas yelled, trying to avoid the things that Hayner was hurling. Axel went behind Hayner and put his arms under Hayner's arms, linking his hands behind the smaller boy's head. Hayner was cursing at them for a few minutes, Pence and Olette silently joining the trio in the dressing room.

"Why did he have to come back?!" Hayner yelled, no longer thrashing around. "WHY THE FUCK IS HE HERE?!" Axel released Hayner just as he burst into tears. Roxas automatically hugged his friend so he could cry in peace.

Seifer was about to enter the dressing room when Pence and Olette blocked the door. "What do you want?" Pence said, acidly. "This isn't about you so move outta the way!" Seifer said, about to shove him aside.

Olette angrily slapped Seifer twice. "He's had enough for tonight," she said in an unsteady voice. "Give him a few minutes and we'll let you both talk all you want. He was a wreck after you left and he doesn't need anymore pain after what you did." Seifer was shocked at Olette's behavior but managed a gruff "Tell him that I'll be waiting for him at the Sandlot" before he left.

"I tried my best to forget about him," Hayner said to no one in particular, sniffing. "Tried not to... remember..."

* * *

Hayner decided to skate over to the Sandlot later, turning down Axel's offer for a ride back to his condo and everyone's offer to join him. This was between him and Seifer alone. His return (and dressing room meltdown) had caught him by surprise. So he had plenty of things to say to Seifer, all right! Things of hatred.

He saw a convenience store around the corner but food wasn't on his mind. His iPhone was blaring Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt" because he felt as empty and hollow as the lyrics of the songs. As he neared the Sandlot, he jumped off his skateboard, grabbed it and started walking the rest of the way.

He tried wiping his memories of that night from his mind as he climbed down the stairs that led to the Sandlot. He saw him sitting on a bench, a silver iPod his hand. He walked over to him, trying to be as cool and reserved as possible as he put his beloved mp3 player and phone in the pocket of his leathers.

After the concert, he hadn't bothered to change. He still sported his military shirt, fingerless gloves, leather jeans with neon reflective strips, his prized combat boots and his goggles. He had forgotten to smudge off his stage make-up as well so he had silvery eyelids and two tribal designs he smudged onto his face with eyeliner that stopped at mid-cheek. "I'm here," Hayner said, "now what do you want?"

"Yeah, hello to you, too," Seifer smirked, putting his iPod away and standing up. "You here to just make out with me and leave again or what?" Hayner retorted, icily. Seifer winced. "That's not why I'm here," he said. "I didn't mean for things to be left that way." "Then why'd you come back?" Hayner said. "Look, I'm sorry! Do I need to spell it out?!" Seifer yelled. "How long are you gonna keep putting me down for three years ago, huh?!"

Hayner's eyes grew the size of saucers at what he said. "You have no idea what it was like when I decided to go study in London," Seifer said, trembling in rage. "My grades were dropping by the minute after I realized my mistake. I only went to get away from my parents and their perpetual crap. I was beaten for no reason, which is why I have this scar on my face. I would've stayed but I thought I had no reason to stay."

"Well cry me a river! After you left, I was a mess!" Hayner yelled in response. "I was so confused from what happened. You just did that and then you disappeared! I couldn't eat or sleep for a month because of what you did to me! I tried my best to forget about you throughout these three years but I couldn't forget! Did you want me to welcome you with open arms? Do you want to resume out little fight? I''m more than willing to knock you out."

"It was pointless to come back, wasn't it?" Seifer said, with a cold laugh. "Yeah, so very pointless. It was so very hard when I made it there and I tried to forget all the same. I couldn't forget either." Hayner stared at him, expecting him to continue. "You know, I wasn't exactly able to get over what happened myself," he said. "I couldn't exactly put a finger on what I was feeling about it all. To think that I felt somethin' more than hate between us, eh?"

"You're saying this now?" Hayner was twitching to kill. "I needed you to say that three years ago. Not now. To think I had felt the same about you that night." Seifer was taken aback at his words, his eyes widening slightly. "You're a bastard, Seifer Almasy!" Hayner shouted. "Don't you dare come near me again or I swear by all things holy that you won't live to see another day!" Hayner turned to leave when Seifer grabbed his arm and forcefully spun him around.

"You deserve the right to be angry at me," Seifer growled. "Put me down, curse me, I could give a shit. Don't you ever walk away from me again. I tried to be nice and let you have your say but I came back for you. I don't deserve a chance to explain myself? I'll take my chances because you killing me will be worth this."

He pinned Hayner against the corner of a building and kissed him. As soon as Hayner began to struggle, Seifer had his hands on the smaller one's wrists and both legs locked around one of younger boy struggled until eventually, he gave up. Seifer wasn't surprised that he had given up, figuring he was tired from being riled up from earlier. Shyly, Seifer's hands slid around Hayner's small waist.

Hayner moaned and his arms circled the taller one's neck. Heatedly, he battled for control of the situation. Their bodies joined, tongues making their much-ached-for connection. He tasted the same from when I first kissed him, Hayner thought, it's like mint with faint traces of the menthol cigarettes he smoked. Seifer's thinking was somewhat similar at that exact moment.

He could taste the sea-salt ice cream exactly as if he were licking it mixed with apples. Unknowingly, said boy was busy feeling Seifer's broad, muscled chest. "I'm sorry again," Seifer said, panting. Hayner woke up from his little trip to la-la land. "Let me go," he said, evenly.

Seifer's eyes flashed as his grip tightened on Hayner briefly. Hayner winced at the pain. "One of these days, you're not going to run away from me," he said, his voice dangerously low as he released him, "You won't reject me. In fact, I'll make damn sure that you beg for me." Seifer walked away, leaving a wide-eyed Hayner stunned. "You know where to find me," he said, hoarsely.

Hayner's knees gave way and he landed on the ground with his knees. After a minute, he said, "You can come out now." Roxas and Axel came out from behind a large pot holding a rosebush. Pence was poised behind a trash can a few feet away. Olette had crawled out from underneath a bench. They were nervous as they approached him.

He was silent as they all squatted nearby him while Axel lit a cigarette. He offered it to Hayner. Hayner nodded to him in thanks as Axel got another one from his pack. He took a drag and asked, "How long?" "Long enough," Axel said, exhaling. "Hayner," Olette said, uncertainly, "it's okay to still be hurt." "Who said I was?" he exhaled. "It's kinda obvious," Pence said. "Okay, you got me," Hayner sucked on the cigarette like a vampire, "Happy?"

"We just want you to talk," Roxas said. "You know we'll listen." "Not much to say," he exhaled a ring towards Roxas. "Bullshit," Axel replied. "These three know you have it bad for him. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that it takes two to start a fire. From what it seems like, he's gay for you too. And this is the first time I've seen you two together but damn! It made me wanna fuck Roxas right behind that bush." Axel doubled over in pain after Roxas had elbowed his ribs. "Axel, put the shut to the up," Roxas said, annoyed. "Shut to the up."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Hayner retorted. "He didn't hesitate to leave without telling me so why should now be any different?" "Because it's the present," came Pence's insight. "The past is like a movie that we've seen billions of time. It's there but we can't change the plot or the ending of it. The present is just another movie but we still have time to change the ending." "Well," Olette said, pensively, "It looks like Seifer has some regrets from studying abroad. Only the gods know what's on his mind. I don't want to jump the gun but maybe he wants another chance...?"

"Whatever," Hayner said. "I don't want to think about this." "There's no use getting around it, though," Roxas said. "You may want to leave things the way they are but he doesn't." "He looked like he was gonna rape you on the spot and you were gonna let him so there's no fucking way," Axel said, bluntly. That earned him another elbow to the ribs from Roxas. "What? It's the truth," he wheezed. "Shut up, you asshole," Roxas said. "He's on an anti-Seifer tirade. Personally, I don't blame him."

"You want some booze?" Axel asked. "It'll make you feel better." The other three gave him a dark look. "All right, all right," he said, his hands in the air. "Don't say I didn't ask." "Thanks but I don't want a hangover," Hayner said, exhaling. He rose, deep in thought. "I know what can cheer you up!" Olette said, clapping her hands. "Ooh, it'll be fun!" Everyone gawked at her. "Let's just get to my house. I know exactly what to do."

* * *

Apparently, Olette's pick-me-up consisted of attending an secret after-concert rave some teenagers were hosting at the "haunted" old mansion and allowing Hayner to get drunk off his ass along with Axel without any questions. Despite the hangover, it did give him an emotional boost and helped him momentarily forget his hurt.

For four days, Hayner had did his best to keep himself busy with writing more music even though Demyx had given them a month break after the tour (and a good excuse to have a vacation with Zexion, his fiance). He went out with his band mates/best friends on a night out in the town and even went shopping with Olette when Pence refused.

He tried his best not to think about what had happened but at times when he was writing his lyrics or strumming some guitar chords, his mind drifted back to Seifer's words. Soon, he found that he couldn't concentrate on his music. His screen had nothing on the word processor. He closed up the Melodine program in frustration from his MacBook's screen and IMed Roxas for a bit.

_D1g1talD3mon274: hey Roxas._

_AngelXIII: yo. what's up, Hayner?_

_D1g1talD3mon274: i can't concentrate on my music, dude._

_AngelXIII: relax, man. we're on break._

_D1g1talD3mon274: i kno but it's lyk i have writers block._

_AngelXIII: lemme guess. Seifer?_

_D1g1talD3mon274: that obvious?_

_AngelXIII: well, yeah. u know what u wanna do bout it?_

_D1g1talD3mon274: no, dude. i rly care bout 'im but..._

_AngelXIII: ur still hurtin?_

_D1g1talD3mon274: yeah. i just don't want to be hurt again._

_AngelXIII: u rly wanna kno what i think?_

_D1g1talD3mon274: this is gonna hurt... go ahead._

_AngelXIII: u have a rite 2 b mad but i think tht ur gonna overdo it at this rate. keep pushin 'im back & he'll be gone faster than he can make ur dick stand at attention. it's up 2 u if u wanna give 'im a chance but u'd b makin a mistake if u let 'im go._

_D1g1talD3mon274: ....._

_AngelXIII: i knew tht would b ur answer._

_D1g1talD3mon274: least u were blunt. thnx 4 the input, tho. kinda needed tht to help me think._

_AngelXIII: np. hey, i'll ttyl. Axel's giving me tht i-want-u-naked-right-here-and-right-now look again. (sigh) i swear he always thinks of sex and unfortunately, i put up with it._

_D1g1talD3mon274: tmi, dude! but yeah, ttyl._

After signing off, Hayner decided to go out to think things further. There was only one place where he could go do his thinking and he knew for a fact that his friends weren't gonna be there for once. He stripped from his pajamas and grabbed a towel. He felt as if the steaming hot water was lifting away all the anxiety and tension from every bone in his body as he stepped into the jacuzzi-like tub. After letting the water jets make his bones turn to putty, he washed his hair, grabbed his washcloth and scrubbed himself clean.

To look inconspicuous because of his rock star status, he put on his black skull shirt, green vest, camou shorts and sneakers. After his hair dried, he applied a bit of mousse to his hair despite the fact that ift was naturally spiky. He walked out after retrieving his two packs of cigarettes (grabbing extra in case he finished one pack by accident), his mechanical wing lighter, bag of Jolly Ranchers, iPhone, keys and skateboard. He left the condo after locking his door and skated off just as he put on his Ray Bans stepped out of the building.

* * *

The Usual Spot was just like his friends had left it. Crates in the corner, old couch, the dartboard hanging in the wall near the entrance, the shoebox full of photos that they had was still on top of a crate and he had recently added an iDock to the place but kept it hidden. He sat on the old couch after hooking his iPhone up to the dock, lighting a cigarette. The tune to t.A.T. u.'s "Craving (I Only Want What I Can't Have)" could not have started playing at a better time.

The acrid fumes seeped into his lungs briefly and then he expelled them with a slow exhale. He rhythmically breathed the fumes in and out, thinking to himself about what to do about his little problem. He hated Seifer for leaving him without saying a word. Even more fucked up than that was the fact that he still loved him.

As much as he hated to admit it to himself, he was in love with the bastard after all this time. He must've been some kind of masochist because he actually liked fighting him and arguing with him because it was the only way that he could remain near him for any reason. The fact that Seifer might feel the same of what he was feeling made Hayner feel even more hopeful. Only problem was that Hayner wanted Seifer to demonstrate just how sorry he was. Or for Seifer to at least say that he loves him.

_I must be kidding myself_, Hayner thought to himself with a dry laugh. _There's no way that he's gonna love me. It's just that one wish that I can never have._ His chest hurt at the thought of never being loved by him. He knew that he would not be able to love anyone like that ever again. He felt like an idiot for loving him. It was like a never ending torture to him. Hayner started sucking on a green Jolly Rancher when he noticed a pair of boots had covered the spot that his glazed-over eyes were focusing on.

It was Seifer. "Thought you'd be here," he said, gruffly. "Do you have any idea what time it is now?" Hayner was silent. "I take that as a 'no,'" Seifer insisted. "Your friends were looking for you but I told them I had no clue where you were although I had an idea where you'd be." "Thanks, I guess," Hayner finally said. He now noticed that it had indeed near sunset. They were silent as Hayner rose from the couch, his leg muscles stiff from sitting all afternoon.

"I'm gonna get going," Seifer finally said. Hayner just nodded, still at a loss for words. The pained look on Hayner's face made him stop from leaving. "Why... couldn't you just tell me what was going on three years ago?" Hayner said, his eyes glittering. He was not going to break down in front of him. Hayner kept telling every cell in his body to stay strong. "We hated each other's guts, remember?" Seifer said. "That's not an excuse," his voice shaky. "I may dislike a person but I would at least _try_ to help."

Seifer flinched, feeling like he had been slapped. "I... didn't know what to do, Hayner," he replied, his eyes betraying some pain. "I was _nineteen_, for Gaia's sake. I didn't know what to do. My only thought was just to get away as far as possible but I... I didn't know that this would happen. Gaia help me, I never thought that I'd ever love anyone in the world like I love you." Hayner's knees buckled as he fell onto the couch. Despite himself, he started to cry.

"I could never forgive myself for hurting you," he continued, softly. "I didn't know what I had here in Twilight Town until that day. I felt like such a loser after I made it to England because I wanted to go back in time and say things differently to you. I was hoping that it wasn't too late for me which is why I returned in the first place after I graduated. When your band got signed two years back, I heard about it from my roommate and I've followed your career ever since. I regretted saying that you couldn't sing three years ago. I lied when I had said that. No matter how many blind dates that Zell set up for me, I wasn't able to forget you."

Hayner was about to burst with relief and joy at hearing those words. "You returned... for me?" Hayner whispered. Seifer nodded as he brushed a tear away from Hayner's cheek. "Look, if you still want to hit me, you can do it right now," he said, his voice unusually tender. "Punch me, kick me, throw me down a flight of stairs... just don't leave. This is the first and only time I will say this. Don't go." Hayner just started to cry even more. Then, Seifer grabbed Hayner and slipped his arm around his waist. Hayner clung to him and sobbed on Seifer's shoulder until all of his hurt had gone away.

"You have no idea how long I've imagined these words," Hayner whispered. Their faces were only centimeters apart. Their lips connected shyly at first but then became more intense. Hayner didn't fight him this time and even wanted more contact with the taller blond. Seifer's hand slid under Hayner's shirt in just seconds while Hayner was feeling his rock-hard arms. He didn't know how he had ended up being pinned down by Seifer but he didn't argue and kept exploring Seifer's body with his hands.

Their tongues were clashing in their battle for power, Hayner moaning for more. Seifer was now sucking on Hayner's neck and nibbling on his was begining to feel the bulge in his pants itching to get free. Seifer obviously felt this too for he began to grind his hips against Hayner's. He felt his vest getting pulled off and heard the clink of it as it landed on the floor. Then, Seifer pulled away as if woken up from a dream.

Wait," Hayner pleaded. "Don't stop." "You're sure?" Seifer asked. He nodded.

To further encourage him, Hayner climbed onto the taller one's lap and began to kiss him as he slid his hands under his shirt. Seifer groaned in approval as he fumbled with Hayner's t-shirt. After sucessfully getting it off, Hayner's nipples hardened at the slight chill in the air as he unzipped the other's shirt and removing the trench coat and shirt.

"Exactly as I thought," Seifer kissed his shoulder. "Smooth, soft... fucking perfect." Hayner moaned at Seifer's feathery kisses. He praised him as if he were a precious treasure, kissing most of his torso and teased his nipples.

He remembered what Seifer had sung to him at the concert. It felt like a dream to him except the constant grinding of the hips had him realizing that it was all reality. "Mmm.... Seifer," Hayner sighed. 'Yeah, say my name," Seifer whispered, pinching a nipple. "Say it!"

"_S-Seifer!_ Aah!" Hayner cried, in pleasure and pain. He felt pressure building between his legs. He felt his back and his hair being caressed. Seifer used his hands to traverse the expanse of the smaller one's back and his silky hair.

Then, Hayner began to mark Seifer's neck in pure ecstasy. Seifer moaned in surprise and delight baring his neck to him. Hayner teased a nipple and bit at an earlobe. "You're fucking perfect... _shit!_" Seifer whispered, moaning. He didn't care as Hayner threw his beanie into the pile of shirts.

Hayner was surprised at the sudden softness of the other's hair and ran his fingers through it as he whispered, "I love you, too." Then, Seifer flipped him over and had removed both his shorts and boxers before Hayner could squeak in surprise. Hayner took off the rest of his lover's clothing in response.

Seifer continued to tease him even after he had spread his legs open. Seifer's tongue never ceased to amaze Hayner as he did naughty things to his bellybutton while his right hand gently rabbed at Hayner's sack. "Seifer... please!" Hayner said, eye glazing with lust and impatience. "I'm gonna come!"

"Then I guess my extended apology will have to wait," Seifer said, his voice hoarse with lust. He began to stroke at Hayner's aching cock, Hayner arching and moaning in response. Then, Seifer took him in his mouth and began to use his tongue in more ways than Hayner could've imagined. Hayner moaned and thrashed around in pure pleasure before he wound his hands into Seifer's hair.

After he yelled "Seifer!," he had came in the other's mouth. He was surprised that Seifer had actually swallowed his seed. Hayner kissed him deeply again, tasting himself as he did. Then, he sighed ashe lowered himself this time. "What are you doing?" Seifer asked. "Returning the favor," Hayner said. "What else?" He gasped at the size of Seifer's arousal.

"Surprised, aren't you?" Seifer smiled. "Not that," Hayner said. "Just exactly as I imagined." Seifer's eyes widened in surprise as Hayner took him all the way into his mouth without choking. Hayner moaned as he kept licking, sucking and swirling his tongue around. Seifer moaned and groaned as one of his hands caressed the back of Hayner's neck.

He was amazed at Hayner's skill with his tongue and his hands as he felt himself riding in waves of lustful pleasure. _No one had ever been so talented as Hayner when it comes to pleasing me_, he thought. With a final moan, his seed had spilled into Hayner's mouth.

Hayner had follwed his example and swallowed his essence. Hayner was pulled up to recieve yet another kiss from Seifer. Before continuing, Seifer reached into his trenchcoat for a bottle of lotion. "We'll make do with this," Seifer said, the lust making his voice deeper than normal. 'Turn around." He coated his fingers with a layer of lotion as Hayner obeyed.

Before he knew it, he saw stars. Hayner cried out in pain as Seifer gave him time to adjust. "Okay...," Hayner whispered. Seifer moved his fingers around slowly, trying to find Hayner's sweet spot. After a few failed attempts, he had found it wfter he heard Hayner let out a scream of pleasure mixed with some pain.

"Relax, okay?" Seifer said, his left hand touching Hayner's cheek. "Turn over for me. I wanna see you." Seifer sucked in some air as he saw what thought of as a masterpiece he thought he would never obtain. Hayner was flushed, panting heavily, and lusting for him. His legs were wide open and glistening with sweat and other fluids. He saw the exact look that he wanted to see and it reinforced the reality of the situation.

"_Please_... hurry," Hayner panted. "I... want you inside me." Seifer smiled a genuine smile as he coated his shaft with the lotion. "All in time," he said, positioning himself. Then, he impaled him. They were both seeing stars in their vision as they cried out in unison. Hayner's hands grabbed Seifer's shoulder, his fingernails sligtly digging into the elder's shoulder blades. He waited for Hayner, which made said blond love him all the more.

"Move...," Hayner sighed. Seifer obliged by going slowly at first until he was sure that the smaller one could take it. "_Fuck!_ Seifer, harder!" Hayner moaned. Seifer started slamming into him, their voices rising and eventually becoming in synch. Seifer grabbed Hayner's length and pumped in unison with the rhythm. Hayner felt a few tears come out of his eyes in pleasure and joy as he looked into the elder's eyes.

They screamed and moaned together. _I've never felt so loved before_, Hayner thought as he moaned. _I'm so happy that it's not a dream... but a reality._ "Seifer! _Aaah, I love you!_" Hayner said as he climaxed. "Hayner," Seifer whispered. They kissed as they released their seed together as they kissed.

Seifer pulled out and shifted their bodies so that Hayner was on top of him, his head against his pounding chest. "That was...so _amazing_," Hayner said, breathless. Seifer lazily smiled his first real smile of happiness in years as he wrapped his arms around Hayner. "Yeah, likewise," he said. Hayner could feel himself blush as he looked at Seifer's content smile. "I guess I can forgive you on a few a condtions," Hayner said.

"I'm listening," Seifer said. "Okay, you have to promise to stay with me and never leave like that again," he responded. "We can get married if you want or just live together or something." "Aye, I can agree to that," Seifer said, impulsively using the Scot-Irish dialect his roommate had made him learn. "My job is rather difficult so I get very cranky or angry when something like writers' block or fatigue occurs so you have to be patient," he said. "I've dealt with your PMS before," Seifer laughed. "I know what to do there."

"Thirdly, we take turns being on bottom," Hayner said, slyly. "Sure," Seifer said. "I don't really like it but something tells me that you'll make it rather interesting." "Okay, we have a deal," Hayner said, kissing him. "We'll finish this at my house," Seifer said, with a devious look. Hayner laughed as they got up and got dressed, feeling chlly now that night had settled into their town. "Before I forget," Seifer said. Hayner turned to face him and was shocked at what he saw. Seifer was on one knee, holding out a little box with a ring that had Celtic knots.

"Since I was afraid of losing you again, I wanted you to know that you'll always be special to me," Seifer said, unusually sheepish. "I don't want to lose you again because I have always loved you even since we were kids. You're really special to me and I want to ask you if you'll marry me and be with me for the rest of our lives. I know I can be a dick and that we fight a lot but I love your feisty attitude and your free spirit. Will you marry me?"

"Dumbass," Hayner smiled, extending his left hand. "Of course I'll marry you." Later that night, Hayner's friends/band mates received a picture message on their phone from Hayner with the picture of the ring and the words "Seifer and I are getting married!" as Hayner and Seifer made love at Seifer's apartment, the ring gleaming in the dimly lit room. They knew that they'd be together for a while. That way they couldn't ever forget each other's touch or kisses.

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**you like? well yeah, if it doesn't make sense to you: i should remind you that this is all dream inspired but review it anyway. this is my first Seiner fic, too. if it's too OOC, refer to the second sentence of this author's note. i know that it's rather long and i'm sorry for that! (T_T) the songs in this song fic are as follows:**

*** "Deathclub (Wes Boreland/Renholder Remix)" by William Control feat. Matt Skiba (yes, it's the song from Underworld: Rise of the Lycans)  
+ "Clone Your Lover" by Zeromancer (awesome song)  
^ "Kill The Rock" by Mindless Self Indulgenge (it makes no sense but i like it)**

**please review! bye-bye.**


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